I see life like a story. There's a beginning, middle and the end but we never know how long the story goes on for but just like a book, you never know what is to come until you continue reading.
I spent many years of my life just thinking there was only going to be the beginning and then the end. I couldn't cope with the trauma from the past, the tricks my mind was playing on me, constantly feeling like I was trapped in a bubble completely alone and feeling completely worthless. I just wanted it all to end. I thought it would be better for me and for the world if I was gone.
My autism made the world seem so confusing and made me feel totally misunderstood.
I have a complex diagnosis of mental illness as well as medical illnesses and I've been through many different experiences. Things that I wouldn't want to go through again but they have built me, taught me, see the world differently and inspired me to make change and to make a difference.
I never thought things would ever get better. The stays in psychiatric units felt pointless and I spent most of the time in a hospital being treated for numerous overdoses and abusing my medication.
The services weren't always great and it seems to have got worse which is something that really needs to change. However, there were so many people/professionals that did so much for me and helped me see the light after every battle. My family were also a massive support and despite everything I had put them through, they never ever gave up on me.
If I would have been told I would have a roof over my head, jobs that I love, running charities and doing what I do now, I would never have believed it for a second.
Things really do get better. It may seem awful right now and feel like the battle is never ending but there's so much to live for and so many things to see and experience that you don't even know about yet.
It takes time, courage, it's exhausting but it's so worth it. You may feel like you're on your own but you are never alone. I'm here and so many people without you realising it now cherish you, love you, care about you and are here for you.
Don't suffer in silence. Please reach out if you ever need to and don't hesitate to do so.
Be kind always and please check-in on those around you. All it takes is "how are you?" and you just need to listen.